Why do we struggle with forgiveness when it's clearly emphasized in teachings like Matthew 6:14-15?
Matthew 6:14-15 states:
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
The significance of these verses can be understood in a number of ways:
Conditional Forgiveness: These verses highlight the conditional nature of God's forgiveness. They suggest that our willingness to forgive others is directly linked to our own forgiveness from God. This emphasizes the importance of extending grace to others as a reflection of the grace we receive.
Moral Responsibility: The passage underscores the moral responsibility of believers to forgive. It serves as a reminder that forgiveness is not just a suggestion but a fundamental aspect of Christian living. It calls for an active response to the wrongs done to us.
Reflection of God's Character: Forgiveness is a core attribute of God's character. By forgiving others, believers reflect God's love and mercy. This passage encourages individuals to embody these qualities in their relationships with others.
Spiritual Health: Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive can lead to spiritual and emotional turmoil. This teaching suggests that forgiveness is essential for spiritual health and well-being, allowing individuals to experience peace and freedom from resentment.
Community and Relationships: The verses emphasize the importance of maintaining healthy relationships within the community of believers. Forgiveness fosters unity and reconciliation, which are vital for a harmonious community.
Encouragement to Seek Forgiveness: The passage also encourages individuals to seek forgiveness from God. It serves as a reminder that acknowledging our own shortcomings and seeking God's mercy is essential for spiritual growth.
Matthew 6:14-15 highlights the interconnectedness of forgiveness between individuals and God, emphasizing its importance in the Christian faith and its role in fostering healthy relationships and spiritual well-being. However, struggling with forgiveness, despite its clear emphasis in these verses can stem from various factors:
Emotional Pain: When someone has been deeply hurt, the emotional pain can create a barrier to forgiveness. The feelings of anger, betrayal, or sadness can be overwhelming, making it difficult to let go.
Perception of Justice: Many people feel that forgiving someone means condoning their actions or letting them off the hook. The desire for justice or accountability can make it hard to forgive, as individuals may want the offender to face consequences for their actions.
Fear of Vulnerability: Forgiveness often requires vulnerability, as it involves opening oneself up to the possibility of being hurt again. This fear can prevent individuals from taking the step to forgive.
Lack of Understanding: Some may struggle with the concept of forgiveness because they do not fully understand what it means. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting or reconciling; it can simply be a decision to release the burden of resentment.
Cultural and Societal Influences: Cultural backgrounds and societal norms can shape how individuals view forgiveness. In some cultures, holding onto grievances may be more common, making it harder to embrace forgiveness.
Personal Struggles: Individual experiences, such as past traumas or unresolved issues, can impact one's ability to forgive. Personal struggles with self-worth or self-forgiveness can also play a role.
Spiritual Growth: Forgiveness is often a process that requires time and spiritual growth. It may take individuals a while to come to terms with their feelings and to seek the strength to forgive.
Understanding these factors can help individuals navigate their struggles with forgiveness and encourage them to seek healing and reconciliation in their relationships. But this may not be the answer you are looking for, so let’s bring it down to a more personal level.
Let’s be honest—forgiveness isn’t easy, especially when someone has truly hurt us. However, in Matthew 6:14–15, Jesus makes it clear that our salvation is based on our willingness to forgive others. If we are not forgiven by God, we cannot be saved.
This is a strong message. Jesus is saying that how we treat others—especially when they mess up—actually affects our relationship with God. So why do we still struggle to forgive, even when we know it’s important?
1. Because Pain Feels Real
When someone betrays your trust, spreads a rumor, or embarrasses you online, the pain sticks. It’s not just “a little thing”—it hurts. And when you’re hurting, forgiving can feel like saying “It’s okay,” even when it’s really not.
But here’s the truth: forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It just means you’re not going to carry the weight of it anymore.
2. Because We Want Justice
Let’s face it: we want people to get what they deserve. If someone lies or cheats, they should face consequences, right? Forgiveness can feel like letting them off the hook.
But forgiveness doesn’t erase consequences. It frees you from becoming bitter or trapped in anger. Justice is God’s job. Your job is to let go, not get even.
3. Because We’re Afraid of Getting Hurt Again
Forgiving someone can feel risky. What if they do it again? What if they don’t even care? These are real fears. But forgiveness isn’t the same as trust. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is given. You can forgive someone without pretending nothing happened.
4. Because We Don’t Really Understand Forgiveness
A lot of people think forgiveness means pretending you’re not mad, forgetting what happened, or being best friends again. That’s not it.
Forgiveness is a choice to release the person who hurt you so you don’t stay tied to that pain. It’s saying, “I’m not going to let what you did control me anymore.”
5. Because We’re Still Growing
Spiritual growth is like physical growth—it takes time. Some days, forgiving feels impossible. But over time, as you pray and lean on Jesus, your heart softens. You begin to see others the way He sees them—not as enemies, but as people who need grace too.
6. Because Culture Says “Don’t Let It Go”
Today’s culture often tells us to “cut people off,” “stay mad,” or “protect your vibe.” But Jesus teaches the opposite. He tells us that real strength is in mercy, not revenge. Forgiveness is the kind of power that heals—not just relationships, but your own heart.
So What Now?
If you're struggling to forgive someone, you’re not alone. Everyone wrestles with this. Even adults. Even pastors. Even people who’ve read Matthew 6 a hundred times.
But here’s what you can do:
- Be honest with God: Tell Him how you feel. He already knows anyway.
- Ask for help: Forgiveness takes God’s strength, not just yours.
- Remember how much you’ve been forgiven: Jesus died to forgive your sins. When you really get that, it gets easier to show that kind of love to others.
- Take your time: Forgiveness is sometimes instant—but often it’s a process. You take one step toward it each day.
Remember:
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing peace over pain. It doesn’t mean trusting someone again right away. It means freeing your heart to grow and love like Jesus.
And Jesus, who said these words in Matthew 6, knows better than anyone how hard forgiveness is. After all, He forgave the very people who nailed Him to a cross.
If He can do that, He can help you forgive too.
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